"Things were bad today, then I heard a voice in my ear saying 'smile, things could be worse'. So I smiled and, lo, things did get worse!"
"It adds insult to injury when: you lose your bikini top on the beach and NO-ONE notices."
"Life is like a sh1t sandwich - the more bread the better!" (1960s!)
"Always remember, when one door closes another is slammed in your face."
"life is the boring interlude between birth and death."
"Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you."
"when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, just make sure it's not a train coming the other way."
"Being in love is like your first solo flight. Exhilerating and wonderful, but with the risk of an almighty pile-up at the end of it."
"If you can walk away from it, it was a good landing."